Thursday, July 1, 2010

Mark Drolsbaugh's take

As a guidance counselor for deaf and hard of hearing children and as an
author/guest speaker, I have met hundreds of kids who feel like they’re
hiding behind a mask every day. They go to speech therapy, wear their
hearing aids, get their cochlear implants mapped, and dutifully do
everything their parents want. After all, every child wants his or her
parents’ approval.

It’s very stressful. It’s hard work. And “hard work” is something you
should be doing at school or at your job. When you’re at home amongst
family and friends, that’s when you should be able to let go of “hard
work” and just be yourself. Unfortunately, this isn’t an option for many
deaf and hard of hearing children.

The long-term impact of this stressful lifestyle has been documented. Dr.
Samuel Trychin, a hard-of-hearing psychologist and author of several
books, has written and presented about the stresses deaf and hard of
hearing children face in the mainstream.

According to Dr. Trychin, the aforementioned stressors can cause
frustration, anger, depression, anxiety, guilt, embarrassment, shame,
muscle tension, fatigue, headaches, increased blood pressure, stomach
problems, decreased self-esteem/confidence, difficulty thinking clearly,
inability to concentrate, and more.

Another excellent resource is Dr. Gina Oliva’s book, "Alone in the
Mainstream", which documents the experiences of numerous deaf and hard of
hearing children in mainstream programs. Even though they may have
assistive devices such as the cochlear implant, many of these children are
under a significant amount of stress as they go through school without any
deaf peers or role models.

Deaf children with deaf parents often feel a sense of freedom to be
themselves in the presence of those who know what it means to be deaf. To
force (a deaf child) to have to wear their cochlear implants during all waking hours
and to threaten their ability to spend quality time with the deaf parent—-on
their own terms—-would be a grave injustice. And I would like to share a
personal story that reflects this:

One day when I was a teenager, I was walking on the boardwalk in Wildwood,
New Jersey. A group of girls looked at me and I smiled back at them. I
figured they were flirting and thought I would respond in kind. It
happened again a few seconds later and once more I smiled.

Eventually a third group cast me some strange looks. At that point I
started thinking maybe those weren’t admiring glances from the other
girls, after all. Instinctively, I turned around and gasped in horror. A
tram car was right behind me, its driver yelling at the top of his lungs.
A pre-recorded “Watch the tram car, please” message blared from the tram
car’s speakers. It was a very embarrassing moment. What else could I do
but laugh?

When I told this story to my hearing relatives, they reacted with despair.
They clearly were not amused and openly wondered if this incident could
have been prevented if I had worn my hearing aids or if I had a cochlear
implant. I made a mental note to never share any Famous Embarrassing Deaf
Moments with them again.

Soon afterwards I told the same story to my deaf relatives (my father’s
side of the family is deaf). They laughed and shared funny anecdotes of
their own, including the one about the deaf driver who had no idea why a
police officer had pulled him off the road (his horn was stuck). In this
environment I felt free to be who I really am. The message was clear that
it’s okay to be deaf. It was a load off my shoulders.

My story is not unique. As the author of three deaf-related books ("Deaf
Again", "Anything But Silent", and "On the Fence: The Hidden World of the
Hard of Hearing") I’ve had countless deaf and hard of hearing people come
up and say they felt validated when they read this material. They wish
they had that validation when they were younger, as opposed to when they
were in their 20’s and up.

In case this may seem trivial to those who are not familiar with the deaf
community, here’s a critical excerpt from an article titled "Deafness: An
Existential Interpretation" by Dr. Stanley Easton and Dr. Harry Krippner:

“If parents are not able to accept the fact that their child is deaf and
continue to deny the implications of the deafness, the resulting effects
on the child are to encourage his own denial and lack of authenticity.
Such a child is thus unable to accept himself and his capacity to emerge
or become a unique person is blocked. He lives an existential lie and
becomes unable to relate to himself and to other deaf individuals and to
the world in a genuine manner.”

The deaf community has often expressed concern that when the mainstream
world tries to do what’s best for deaf and hard of hearing children, it
often focuses on the ears while forgetting about the whole person. It is
my hope that this information has shed light onto Emma the Whole Person as
opposed to Emma the Girl with Two Cochlear Implants, and that you will
find the compassion to rule accordingly. Thank you for your time and
consideration.

Sincerely,
Mark Drolsbaugh

Edited to comply with a gag order

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